About Motivation
Sometimes my motivation is just non-existent. Sometimes it comes during the day, I just have to procrastinate for a bit. Sometimes it’s there in the morning hours, sometimes in the middle of the night. Mostly it comes when I’m in no position to make use of it; in the shower, when I’m grocery shopping or with friends.
Right now, for example, I have absolutely no motivation to do some of the things I actually need to do – some of the things which have been on my to do list in like forever. I thought to myself that this is so frustrating that I just needed to write it down and maybe make it into a blog post because I can’t be the only one out there feeling this way. Strangely enough, I just sat down and started writing. There was nothing holding me back, nothing I needed to do first. The motivation was just there, I didn’t need to spend hours trying to find it.
Feeling guilty
Even though I’m sitting here actually writing something now, which I have been feeling guilty about not doing all day, I can’t help wondering if I’m entitled to feel proud? Because yes, I’m writing (and something that will hopefully be long enough for a blog post), but I’m still not doing any of the things on my to do list. Like writing some of the other blog posts I have been lining up for ages now. They are just sitting there, waiting.
It’s not that I don’t want to write them. I think they are exciting topics and I hope people will find them interesting too. I think maybe sometimes what’s holding me back is not the lack of motivation only. Because I have a lot of motivation about starting my own business, working, finding clients and all that. I actually can’t wait to be my own boss fulltime and be able to live off of exactly what I love doing.
Fear is the enemy
Sometimes I think what’s holding me back is fear. Fear that I’ll fail. Fear that this venture won’t lead me anywhere. Fear that people will look at me and think “what the hell does she think she’s doing”. Fear that I’ll disappoint not only myself but the people around me. Fear of not being as good at what I do as I think and as good as people are saying I am. I think you get the point by now. It’s just all kinds of fear really.
I’ve been listening to a very inspiring podcast lately. Every time I listen to it, I’m like “yes! I can do it. I just have to do this and this, and then it’ll work out smoothly. I’m a freaking boss. I’m starting right this second!” But then I sit down to make pitches, plans, posts and so forth, and I’m overwhelmed with concerns, fears and lack of confidence. It really stresses me out and I don’t really know how to deal with it. The best thing would be to just do something, you know. Sit down, without even thinking about it, like I just did, and start working. Sometimes it does work. Other times I end up shifting between sitting at my desk or on the couch doing nothing but feeling guilty all day.
Something to work on
Right now I can only hope that time will teach me to work by myself. Or, you know, time probably won’t help much if I’M not making changes. But I will. It’s a learning curve that I have to crawl up. Right now it’s pretty steep. But I guess (I hope) many self-employed small business owners feel that way. Even after years, you can’t be sure to be motivated every hour, every day all year long. But what I feel you can do is work towards a place where you don’t feel guilty the second you don’t do anything business-related. That you can actually relax with a good conscience.
Well, those were my immediate thoughts at this exact moment. I don’t really know if this is at all interesting or useful to you as a reader, but I feel this goes well with my intention to be very honest in the work I do. Whether it’s travel stories or more personal topics, I will strive to stay real, I will not pretend that the world is a brightly colored candyland where dreams just happen and all is well all the time. That would be fun though.
Cheers.